Yes, LORD! I will go...

This blog was written last January 31, 2013.

I can never say no if the one who's calling me is...GOD!

Right from the start, I already have a strong passion for God, great compassion for people, and a big, big heart for missions. And what really breaks my heart since I became a mature Christian is that I know, that the only thing that I can't do in heaven is to share the gospel of Christ unto this fallen and lost world.

Way back January 2, this year, part of my prayer to Him was asking for a discernment that I will be able to know God's leading for me after my college graduation probably as early as January. I even declared that He will be my God full of surprises this year-2013. And guess what? He already told me of His leading. He confirmed it through His divine scripture- the Holy Bible. He now called me for a greater mission task - to be a tent-making missionary!

But this calling to me seemed never really that easy on my part. I asked a lot of questions, thinking of many fears and doubting if it is really from God or is it just my overwhelming emotions; the questions of difficulties that I will be facing, fears of being alone, and doubting if am I really strong enough to go outside the country and being out of my comfort zone?

After I ended my daily devotions of Esther’s life in the Old Testament, the next Bible character that I’ll be with, is the man of strength and long endurance – the character of Job. However, before I started with his book, I had already strong fears that surely I’d be tested by God through my learning of Job’s characters, as what I’ve experienced from the previous characters that I studied with. I even thought that what if I’d escape studying of this man of God and proceed to Paul in the New Testament. But part of my desire to finish studying, meditating and reflecting the main characters in the Old Testament, I then continually fulfill those desires. So I began with Job.

Its Wednesday, January 9, 2013, I started my daily devotions from the book of Job. One verse that struck me there was in Job 1: 21, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” This verse was what Job’s prayer after he knew that almost all of his treasures and even his children were taken away. Yet he still able to praise the name of the Lord in spite of what had happened. Later that night in ROLF’s weekly prayer meeting, the word was in Job chapter 1 and the same verse in 21 was being highlighted. And during the prayer time, I then knew that the head of CAMACOP Missions Ministry was there in the person of Rev. James Quesquerin. I was really overwhelmed because I will finally meet him, I then shook his hand and without shame I asked for many information about how to be a full time missionary. So to make it short, he recommended China or Japan so that I can go there for tent-making ministry, to be a missionary and to be an English teacher at the same time.

January 16, 2013, it was Wednesday again during the church’s prayer meeting when I was greatly struck from Psalm 116:17-18, “I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD. I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.” When I got home in our boarding house, I then hardly cried and cried. I didn’t know what really I felt at that time but one thing I knew was God wants to tell me something. Then as I reflected the verse, I then remember that I made a vow before not just to God but even in the presence of His people. I declared it during the YA Missions Sunday last semester when I gave my personal testimony. This is what I said, “If God calls me to be a missionary someday, though it’s hard, though I need to give up my dreams and own desires, yes I will.” Then I started to pray hardly before the Lord every day, seeking for wisdom, and asking for discernment.

It was Sunday morning, 20th day of the same month, I started to research names and e-mails of some missionaries in China and Japan. Then after I found out their email address, I immediately sent a letter that contains everything I desire for missions and asked for some information. Then I went to church the whole day and when I got home, I’ve got a reply from a missionary from Japan. His name is Pstr. Rolando del Rosario, “Thanks for praying for our ministry here in Japan, yes there are many opportunities here and one of that is English teacher. Our team here can give visa but this is still on the process, just continue to pray that God will grant the desire of our Team, CJFAM, Camacop-Japan Filipino Alliance Ministry.”

It was Monday, January 21, in our World Literature class that our teacher assigned reports to us. So then, the report that was given to me was the Golden Age Literature. Amazingly and surprisingly, Golden age literature is a literature in Japan. After then I continually seek God’s discernment and calling for I really don’t know what to react. He always comforted me upon Job’s life. And when I reflected again in Job 1:21, I realized that I really have to depart from my comfort zone out of nothing but holding only to one thing - my faith to God.

Friday morning during our British Literature class, I didn’t know but almost the whole duration of our class, our teacher in the person of Prof. Balgoa, talked about Japanese culture, Japanese government, and Japanese economy. She compared it to Philippine setting and told us that we should go to Japan after our graduation. I was really quite annoyed to be honest because I always hear Japan here and there. I was a little bothered but later on I realized that God is telling me again about something.

Looking back last December, I remember that my uncle who works as a seaman kept on encouraging me to be an English teacher in China or maybe in Japan after I graduate. But for me, it never became a big deal. I just let it passed, together with my inner thoughts that why would I go outside while I can have my job here in the Philippines.

Also, I remember when I was still a freshman student, I had my roommate who decided to transfer to her Aunt’s house during the 2nd semester. She then left her Japanese Dictionary in our room (she’s so fun in learning Japanese, Korean, etc. language). So I immediately texted her to get it from me, but instead, she gave it to me as a gift and told me that I can be able to use it years and years after.

Hmmm…. The most exciting revelation for me is this! It’s Friday afternoon when another missionary in Japan made a reply on my message to her on facebook. Her name is Ms. Joyce Kitano, a head director on a Christian Campus Ministry in Japan named Chi Alpha Ministry, this was what she reply, “We are so happy to receive your message and hear of your burden for Japan. English is a wonderful tool for evangelism here in Japan and people who would never go to church will come for English classes. We will be praying for you as you seek God's will for future ministry here”(this was just a small part of her long message).

After all, many revelations still followed (there are so many to mention) and I believe many are still yet to come. But right now, I’m ready! I am very much ready to fulfill the unfinished task of Jesus Christ here on earth. Yes, I know that I will still encounter many circumstances, many struggles before I get there. But I’m still waiting for the answers of my prayers. (First, I can be able to graduate for this semester. Second, I can receive a blessing of support and encouragement from my family (Eph. 6:1). Lastly, I can be able to find work as a teacher in that country.) All these things I lay down only to Him. Right at this moment, I don’t have to worry. Though I still have struggles at present, I do believe that He’s really preparing me for a greater task, more of these.

Thus, I say, I have but one passion: It is He, it is He alone. The world is the field and the field is the world; and henceforth that country shall be my home where I can be most used in winning souls for Christ. Sooner or later, I can go and see the beauty of Japan and His awesome and wondrous creation- cherry blossoms (weeeeh! the picture I place above). And finally, I can be able to fulfill God's divine calling for my/our life that is to "Go and make disciples of all nations... " -Matthew 28:29-30